Hey Mamas! We all know Motherhood is the toughest hood to walk through. I can’t imagine it’s all peachy keen all the time for anyone. Instead of focusing on how I’m a bad not so good Mama, today I’m gonna give you 10 ways I’m rocking motherhood!
Camille is currently 15 months. Some may say it’s way overdue, others argue it’s too soon. To each his own. If you’ve been reading the blog for a while you know my feelings about formula and pumping. Nursing was another story. It went smoother than I assumed it would and I handled my emotions better than I anticipated.
Camille has not nursed since January 6th, 2017. I know it’s only been a week but I’m so proud of her (and myself) and could not wait to share. I’ve been on the fence about weaning for about 6 months. I know, I spent a lot of time on the fence. She is forever teething and I never want to feel like I’m throwing too much at her at once. I asked her pediatrician at the 9 month check up and she told me to take it slow, so I did.Read more…
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Listen up! Do not show up to Christmas/gift exchange and give a new Mama a baby gift! …unless she specifically asked for it. Otherwise follow my lead and get a little something for her. Most Mamas go crazy shopping for a new baby while pregnant. On top of that the baby shower provides tons for baby too. Don’t worry, I gotcha back. Below are 10+ items any new Mama would be happy to receive.Read more…
You see that adorable little face? I never want that little face to not speak to me. I mean I’ll totally get it when she’s a teenager and can’t hang out with her friends because her homework isn’t completed yet but other than that, I need to be in good standing with my daughter.
My Mama and I don’t have the best relationship. It was pretty cool growing up, you know the usual teenage daughter woes. Adulthood though…it’s been a bit rough. The last time we verbally spoke didn’t end well then she had the audacity (yes audacity, this is my story, don’t judge) to show up at the hospital when I had Camille. Needless to say that didn’t end well either and we haven’t spoken since. Camille is pushing 14 months. I’m cool with that though. Trust me, if you knew all the details (don’t ask, I’m not ’bout to air all my dirty laundry online) you would totally understand.
Now having a daughter of my own I would never want our relationship to be in a bad place so I had to think of potential ways to avoid this in the future. Yes, these are the things that keep me up at night. You know I had a ton of free time while I was pregnant so I’ve given this quite a bit of thought.
My Mama was always the cool Mom. Everyone wanted to come to my house. It was nothing to have a house full of girls every weekend, cousins and friends. A few of my friends were there so much they probably should have put in a change of address form with the post office. Actually in high school two of my friends lived with us for a while, at different times. One even had a baby! Yea, my Mama was pretty cool when she wanted to be. Let’s take a look at where things went awry.
Childhood – My Mama was my ace, my bestie, my main girl! She could do no wrong, until I did some wrong and I was in trouble. All was well.
Pre-teen – Of course this is where the drama began on my end. She was all in my business all the time, like she had every right to be. My “I know it all” hormones didn’t agree.
Teen – Still pretty good. I had decent grades, a job and wasn’t really into chores. I was definitely into boys though.
After high school – Things began to go downhill. We argued more. I didn’t like being home so much. At 19 I moved in with a dude (huge mistake!) and ended up moving back home after a few months.
My 20’s – Boy oh boy. $#!@ got real! This is where the problems really started.
My 30’s – I’m currently 31. So far we haven’t had a relationship at this age. We stopped speaking when I was 29 and pregnant.
Looking back at this timeline and really giving our relationship some thought I realized my Mama wasn’t prepared to be my Mama at the different stages of my life. By no means am I saying she was a bad Mama, nope! She was and still is a great Mama, but best for a child, not an adult. I looked at the relationship she and my Grannie had, not as rough as ours but definitely had some rough spots.
I feel like her parenting skills didn’t match what I needed as I got older. I’m not faulting her, we had different personalities growing up so she probably couldn’t relate to what I feeling or going through. She was 100% introvert, hung out with the boys. I was 50% introvert, had girlfriends over all the time. Had we grown up together we probably would have been cool with each other but not besties, our interests were different. All this on top of the fact she was a single Mama. Her village was strong though, I had all four grandparents, two uncles and a host of aunts. My dad wasn’t completely out of the picture but…well I wrote about him here.
My Mama wanted to be my friend which is great but it went too far. When it was time for her to be Mama again I didn’t take her seriously. This caused a lot of friction but she continued wanting to be my friend. She also felt very entitled to all my life’s details which didn’t go well with me in my 20’s. She had no boundaries and no respect for my space and relationships. I’m not gonna bash my Mama all night just pointing out some things I noticed, this also does not mean I did no wrong.
Here’s my plan with Camille – I have to make a conscious effort to be the Mama she needs me to be at all the different stages of her life.
I understand this could be hard because she’s my baby and I want the best for her but I also understand she’ll need her space and to learn some lessons the hard way. I asked B when she was born to promise me he’ll help me with this because I never want Camille to end up like my and my Mama. He promised.
Questions I plan to ask periodically:
What she wants/needs from me
How does she want our relationship to be
Am I giving her what she thinks she needs
What can I do to help her (school, friends, work etc.)
Is she happy with our relationship
Is there anything I can do better
I’m sure this list will change over the years but it’s my starting point for now. When I ask these questions I don’t want to seem interrogative, just like we’re having a casual conversation over lunch. Knowing me I’ll take notes so I don’t forget and so I can later brainstorm on next steps. I’m so determined to have an amazing relationship with Camille and her future siblings.
How are your relationships with your parents and kids? No dirty details needed, I’m not a fan of spilling all the tea over the interwebs but are they good? Great? Could they be better? Any plans to improve? Let me know if the comments.